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To adopt a child or not?

This is one topic very close to my heart. Also, something on which I have no expertise or experience whatsoever.

After my wedding, my husband and I were toying with the idea of adopting a child. But talking to a friend who had researched on the effects of adoption on the family put us off the idea. And then my daughter was born. With the kind of pregnancy I had gone, I didn’t want to have a second child. Certainly not biological. Also, I believe there are enough kids in the world. We don’t want more.

Recently, I had visited an orphanage. It is a girls’ only orphanage. Though I had gone there to distribute sweets and see how an orphanage works, I got to meet some newborn babies. These innocent tiny tots were abandoned by relatives (because they could not support their upbringing after their parents’ death), single mothers (after death of the husband or separation) or unwed mothers. These beautiful lives are well taken care of in the orphanage by their care givers with the help of donations that they receive from generous and sympathetic individuals and institutions. But their beautiful innocent form stirred in me something far beyond words could explain. I felt like taking a few babies home right then. The nun there told me that there’s such a long waiting list for adopting babies from both India and abroad, but due to red tape and time consuming formalities like background check etc., most babies grow up and then nobody wants to adopt them anymore. Sad!!! 🙁

Let me tell you something. I have been thinking of adopting a baby for some time now. Without going through the whole torture of 9-months again, I will get another child and my daughter a sibling. On a larger front, it will secure a stable home, nourishing environment and love of a family for an unfortunate child. I reiterate my earlier point; we have enough children on this planet. If only, one family adopts one child, what a solution we can provide to the global issues of water and food scarcity, global warming, racism, terrorism, malnutrition, etc.

However, let me provide you the other side of the coin. Whenever I have shared my intentions with friends and family, I have never heard a single word of encouragement. In India, adoption is a big deal. Only parents who are not able to bear their own child resort to adoption. But if you already have one child and are fit enough to have another, why adopt a child?  I might not adopt tomorrow or in a few years. But I want to be comfortable in the knowledge that this is a door open to me and many more parents like me.

There are lots of misconceptions around adoption. The most common ones being:

  • Your biological child will feel less loved or feel left out because of the adopted one.
  • Instead of getting the full share of your wealth and property, your original child will need to share it with someone not his own blood. He will feel cheated out of his rights.
  • You don’t know the background of the parents, what if the adopted child shows violent or sociopath behavior.
  • You will always be biased towards your own child.
  • Your friends and family members might not accept the adopted child as one of them and mistreat him/her.
  • On learning the truth, your adopted child would want to learn more about his roots and that might pain you. You might feel used.

I don’t know if there’s an iota of truth behind them.

What are your thoughts on this? Have you faced something similar yourself or in your family?

6 Comments

  1. This is a very serious subject, Mommy…Thank you for bringing this to our attention. I love that people consider the children that are already born!
    Thank you.

    • Thanks Bizigal for commenting. I think that families who can afford should consider this option. It’s a great way of spreading happiness in and out. 🙂

  2. Hi,

    Thank you so much for following our blog. It’s much appreciated. Feel free to leave a comment next time and share your ideas! As we focus on education, we’d love to get an opinion from a parent like yourself. Have a nice day!

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  3. Surabhi

    Well .. I m an adoptive mom and can assure that this is a beautiful journey. Know many parents who have one biological child and they have adopted second. Kids behave just like biological siblings . Now there is only one centralised process through which one has to go and depending on the age group of child , wait can be from 7-8 month to two yrs .
    Background checking is very important to ensure that child is going in safe hands .
    For more information one can log in to CARA website and get details.
    Indian mindset is changing and I will say I was lucky that my whole family n friend circle welcomed our child with open heart .
    There will always be both type of people around so u need to decide what you want not the people.
    Doesn’t biological kids show violent behaviour these days ? It depends on upbringing not on the birth parents .
    Are all biological kids very nice ? No . We can’t predict similar is case of adopted one . Once child is in family there should be no difference in biological n adopted .
    So I would say go ahead adopt a child , raise a wonderful soul .
    Meet more adoptive parents to get all your fears out .

    Trust me adoption is beautiful . My child is just 5 but he knows the facts and ok with it and we all love each other a lot

    • mammaspeaks

      Surbhi, thank you for writing on this post. I am so glad you wrote with your viewpoint and shared your experience here. Parents who have not adopted have many myths or confusion regarding adoption. I am sure when parents who have adopted children come forward and share their positive experiences, more people who are sitting on the fence and dithering about this step will want to consider adoption wholeheartedly.

      I was considering adoption 4 years ago, and I talked to a few mothers who had adopted children. I was not wholly convinced after talking to them and reconsidered my decision to adopt. I am so sorry now that I stepped back. If only I had got more positive people like you, Surbhi!

      Thanks again for writing. May you spread positivity with your honest and loving experience.

  4. Surabhi

    I would also like to tell you there are many people who opted to adopt instead of going for biological baby when they had no fertility issues. Yes some of them had tough time convincing family but they did . And happy about their decision .

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