Pregnancy Tips

Miscarriage – Dealing with the trauma

miscarriage, trauma, dilatation and cureting, child loss, first time mother

Even after 3 years, I still can’t think of my miscarriage without having a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. I still remember that fateful rainy day, when I had visited my gynaecologist for a routine check up. I was 10 weeks pregnant. But on examination, she found the fetus had no heart beat. My baby had stopped growing inside and the only option was a D & C (Dilation and Cureting) as soon as possible to avoid an infection. I had broken the news of my pregnancy to my friends and relatives just a day before. Amidst the phone calls and messages of ‘Congratulations’, I had to inform them that the baby was no more.

Instead of a D & C, I opted for abortion pills. The pain was bad, but it was nothing compared to what I was going through emotionally. Only when the embryo was flushed in the toilet that I let myself go. And how! I still remember the emptiness I had felt. It felt as if an important part of me had gone missing. It’s rightfully said that a woman becomes a mother the day she discovers she’s pregnant. That’s what happened to me. One day I was a mother and the next, I ceased to be one.

Whatever said and done, the trauma of a miscarriage is a woman’s and woman’s alone. The husbands can see you hurt but can’t feel the pain. I asked again and again, “Why me?” I cried, many a nights, myself to sleep. I stopped talking to family and shunned company. Believe me; nobody can understand your pain unless she has gone through it. I avoided pregnant women and birth functions. It was as if I was deliberately avoiding everything and everybody that could remind me of what I had lost. It’s natural and perfectly ok. Everybody has a different way of dealing with the pain. Some cry, some talk about it while some try to run away from it as if it never happened in the first place.

A few months later, I was pregnant again. But I wasn’t jumping with joy this time. The experience of the first time still loomed large. Exactly a year to the miscarriage, I had my little baby in my arms. And only when I had my little baby in my arms, that the pain of the little unborn started ebbing.

I pray to God that nobody has to survive the trauma of a miscarriage but in case one needs to, God gives the courage to survive it. It helps to understand: If the baby didn’t happen, then it wasn’t meant to.

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  1. You must be very brave. Sorry for your loss…

  2. Dont know why suddenly this post came up. But i had my D&C last week and it is the worst thing that ever happened to me. My first ultrasound was at 6 weeks and I could see the little thing flickering there and when I went for second ultrasound for 8th week, they told me that the baby has no heartbeat and it still shows as 6 weeks. I dont know what happened, whom to blame, what to do, but it went away after waiting for one year I have to face this.

    • mammaspeaks

      I am so sorry to hear this. I can understand your pain and feel with you. It is the worst thing to happen. I will tell you something – no one will ever understand this pain unless they have experienced it. Having said this, I will suggest you a few things today –
      cry as much as you want
      take a few days to switch yourself off (move away from social media or talking to anyone who would aggravate your pain).
      talk to the people who make you feel good, who can listen to you
      watch funny movies or anything that makes you laugh
      take a short holiday
      exercise – walking, jogging, swimming or exercising release the happy hormones called serotonin in your mind. You feel good and happy.
      meditate – do pranayama and meditation. it will relax your mind.

      Don’t look for excuses or blaming anyone – it doesn’t help. You will realise this one day.
      Think positively – you will again be a mother very soon. Prepare your mind and your body by healing them through positive thoughts.

      I will keep you in my prayers. Take care!!

  3. Thanks for the kind words and your advice dear. Ya i am trying out everything to come out of it. Hope this pain fades out soon, but it is a thing which cannot be erased.

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