Once you have a baby, your whole life changes. When my daughter was born, I was so engrossed in her that everything in my life took a back seat; sleep, hunger and even my marriage. My baby always came first which was fine with me. But I didn’t pause to think that it might not be the case with my dear husband. That my marriage was getting affected after having a baby.
It didn’t realise it till the time he actually voiced his concern, “Don’t you think you are being too much into the baby? You hardly have time for me.”
But the first time mommy in me ignored the remark thinking it was a jealous husband speaking. I had read in a baby book that sometimes the husband may feel out of place and neglected with the arrival of the newborn as the wife’s whole attention is hogged by the baby. He may resent the fact that you have no time for him.
I was sure I was not neglecting my husband. However, when he wanted to spend a few moments alone with me, it didn’t happen. I would be constantly worrying about the baby. So when my daughter was awake, I was with her and when she was sleeping, I was thinking about her. As a new mother, it was very well but as a wife, it was not. And within no time, the complaints started getting louder and more frequent though there was no fighting with husband after baby.
“You have no time for me” “Get a life beyond baby” or this one I liked the best and sympathised with the most “I feel like an outsider in my own home.”
To make matters worse, I started being forgetful about my husband’s needs or I was not as particular about them as I was before. On the other hand, I didn’t forget a single thing regards to my little daughter. This was again a bone of contention.
A few months went by and things started falling in place. With the first flush of motherhood over, I realised that my life couldn’t revolve just around my baby. I need to restore the relationship with husband after baby. That was the time when I hired a part-time maid too. So we go out for movies and dinner dates with or without the baby. It may not be exactly like it was before the baby arrived, but it’s the best we can create in the present scenario. And after two years, the complaints though still there have become few and far.
Don’t make the same mistakes as I did. Follow these tips to avoid an unhappy marriage after baby:
- At the end of the day, just take out half hour for your husband. Wash your face, comb your hair, apply a little lipstick and change into a fetching dress/negligee. Transform yourself from a harrowed mother to a loving sexy wife.
- Don’t talk about your baby all the time. The husband feels threatened. It was his space that the baby’s sharing now.
- A few stolen kisses and a touch here, a pat there will more than help rekindle the sleeping embers of passion.
- Take your baby for an after-dinner stroll in his/her pram/stroller. Don’t forget to nudge your husband into accompanying you. Hold hands or talk about inane things in your life while your baby sleeps peacefully in the pram.
- Spice up your love life once your baby sleeps. Rent/download a few porn flicks or indulge in role playing. There are love apps too that you can download on your smartphone/tablet. Need I say anything further?
I hope I have covered everything to keep marriage strong after having a baby. Do you think I have missed something?