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7 Unromantic ways to keep marriage strong and healthy

Couple holding hands to show 7 unromantic ways to keep marriage strong and healthy

7 unromantic ways to keep marriage strong and healthy

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Ours is not a typical love story – girl meets guy, guy woos girl, guy proposes, girl accepts, parents accept or not accept and they agree to the marriage. My husband and I came to know each other through mutual relations. We began talking on the phone (he was in Mumbai and me in Ahmedabad) for hours together, agreed to meet after a month and then finally said yes. So, you see, we actually knew a lot about each other before we agreed to get married. Knowing each other well, I believe is a great reason for building a strong and healthy marriage foundation.

However, let me tell you this – my husband and I are not overly romantic nor do we don’t indulge in PDA and we recently celebrated 12 years of marriage. 10 years together, that says a lot about our marriage and I am proud to say that our decade old marriage is still fresh, alive, hot and growing. So how to build a strong marriage relationship? Let me tell you 7 unromantic ways to keep marriage strong and healthy:

A paper cut out of man and woman holding hands in a book - 7 Unromantic ways to keep marriage strong and healthy

7 Unromantic ways to keep marriage strong and healthy

Hold hands: I saw this lovely photo of a man and woman holding hands, what struck me the most was that they were not hugging or kissing, but holding hands – a sign of a strong and healthy relationship.

Holding hands, sounds like something from 50s and 60s right? When we can hug, kiss and fondle, how holding hands is going to strengthen the relationship? But let me tell you holding hands has an old-world charm to it. There is nothing sexual and a relationship doesn’t always have to be about sex, it’s also about companionship and holding hands tell you that you care and you love no matter what.

There are times in the night or just before we wake up, my husband seeks my hands and holds them, telling me and reassuring me that we are in it together. And let me tell you it is one of the biggest signs of a strong marriage and conveys more than a kiss or sexual act does.

Fight: Did you read right? Did I say fight? Yes, I said you must fight for a strong and healthy marriage.

My husband and I fight a lot, we both have loud voices and when we fight the pitch goes even higher than normal. And these fights can be for silly things like him booking movie tickets without asking me or me making aloo ki subzi in a different way than he likes.

We fight even when our parents are around. My mother after staying with us for a few days upon going back to Ahmedabad told my father, “When they fight, my heart sinks and my blood pressure dives.”

The first time when my mother in law saw us fighting, she got so upset that she thought we were going to end up in a divorce. But then she was amazed that we were back to talking normally in a matter of minutes.

Fighting is normal. It is true that in every relationship, there is expectations but what is truer is that many of these expectations would not be met, much as you or your spouse tries. So you end up with angst and fighting helps in venting it out. And once it’s all done, you can get back to your life and relationship.

Engage in playful banter: Humour and playful banter are characteristics of a strong marriage. My husband has a great sense of humour and this is one of the biggest reasons of our strong marriage. He jokes and he banters and I laugh. He teases me often, but I never get upset.

I also recommend watching silly comedy movies or shows together. It will help to keep your marriage fresh and alive.

Work together: In the house I cook and look after many aspects of housekeeping, but there are many chores that he looks after too. We have divided our responsibilities and that helps. Also, there are times when we both are not up to fulfilling ours in which case the other one assumes them without a grumble. We are partners in love, fight and housework.

Don’t sulk: We are humans and are bound to commit mistakes. However, what helps is talking about them and owning them up. You make a mistake, apologise and move on. What is the most irritating is the sulking part! I have seen couples sulking and not talking for days. That really corrodes any relationship.

Both my husband and I don’t sulk. If we have fought, we move on rather than sulking. We stay in a nuclear family, if we start sulking and stop talking, the house will feel like a silent zone.

After fighting, we don’t hide ourselves in another room, but always sleep on the same bed. Also, our one relationship mantra is Don't ever go to bed angry if you want a strong marriage. Click To Tweet

It helps. It says more than any words can that – fights happen, but our marriage is more important.

Give space: Remember Sex and the City 2 where Big asked Carrie he needed space. Carrie was heartbroken and thought her marriage had ended. Well, one thing we need to understand that a man as much a social animal likes sometime alone too. And yes, we need some space, even in our marriage. No one likes their spouse to be breathing down their necks all the time asking where they are going or with whom they would be. It’s really irritating and no wonder people breathe a sigh of relief whenever their spouse goes out of town for a few days.

We give each other a lot of space. But husband never asks me who I am talking to and lets me take my own decisions. The same goes with me – I don’t ask him all the time where he is going or insist upon tagging along with him. He has time out with his friends while he doesn’t mind when I have our girls’ night out (though he does offer to come and pick me up if it’s getting late). We are concerned for each other, but don’t stay super glued all the time.

Surprise each other: Doing the same things day in and day out makes the relationship stale. Don’t let that happen. Just scratch your head a little and come up with things that surprise your other half and keeps the excitement in your marriage. It can be as small as baking a cake when your partner is not expecting or ordering a book or that pair of headphones, he or she wants not only says you think about them but also says you care.

couple holding hands to say 7 Unromantic ways to keep marriage strong and healthy

7 Unromantic ways to keep marriage strong and healt

Couple holding hands to say 7 Unromantic ways to keep marriage strong and healthy

7 Unromantic ways to keep marriage strong and healthy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s needless to say romantic or unromantic, marriage requires a lot of effort. However, if you want a strong and healthy marriage, these pointers will surely help you.

This post is a part of the Valentine’s Day blog train hosted by www.prernawahi.com www.vartikasdiary.com, sponsored by ShilpSa, Kalpavriksha farms & Neha from @bloggingmadeeasier

A blog hop train for Valentine's Day

7 Unromantic ways to keep marriage strong and healthy

 

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82 Comments

  1. It surprises me that you call these ways unromantic when I feel that this is what romance should look like
    I have really loved your post may be because it echoes my own words through various blogs.
    Thank you for sharing this

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Shivani. It’s just that our idea of romance is very different from today’s Internet romance. I am glad it resonated with you. Sometimes I feel I should have been born in the 50s 0r 60s, lol!

    • I am replying to Shivani’s comment because I agree with her. Your tips are excellent and I feel that these are the basis for any strong marriage. I especially liked the tip about ‘don’t go to bed angry.’ So important!

      • mammaspeaks

        Thank you Shraddha. Don’t go to bed angry is something that I read or watched years before I got married and hence I applied it from day 1. It has worked wonderfully for us so far. Thanks again Shraddha. 🙂

  2. Loved your honesty dear and I could co-relate with your thoughts so well. in fact, me and my husband share more or less similar kind of equation. I liked all 7 ways you had suggested. especially the surprise each other and work together. these are practical and easy things but work wonderfully in building a strong relationship. #Vdayblogtrain

    • mammaspeaks

      Hey Surbhi, thank you so much for reading my post and acknowledging it in such a positive manner. I was scared that my post sounds too raw, and yes, we are a little unromantic as in we avoid PDA, but as you said, we have some age-old things working in the favour of our relationship. Thank you once again dear!

      • Who knew the power of small gestures can be so fruitful. Well I’m the sulker (I don’t know if it’s even a word) in the house. But we make sure we don’t go to sleep fighting. The compilation of such small points that can save relationships is wonderful. Great post.

        • mammaspeaks

          Hello Aakriti, a sulker, well let me find out if there’s a word. Yes, it exists – sulker is a person who sulks. lol. It’s OK, some sulk and some don’t. I like it that you don’t go to sleep fighting. 🙂 Thank you so much.

  3. A sensible and beautiful take on marriage, Anshu. I loved reading all the ‘7 Unromantic Tips’ you shared. I am a big one for hand holding, so I found myself nodding away at that. Giving space, and surprises, is what I endorse too. They work wonders!
    My Husband is a Sulker:) I think I’ll share this post with him:))

    • mammaspeaks

      Ha ha, let me know what your husband says after you make him read this post. Thank you so much for liking my unromantic tips, Mayuri and I am glad you endorse them too!

  4. I was nodding my head on every point. They say marriages are made in heaven but we have to make them strong and beautiful on earth. We have been married for 12 years and yes but still it doesn’t feel like 12 years..
    #vdayblogtrain

    • mammaspeaks

      So true, Alpana, marriages are made in heaven but they come with a clause – they can stay heavenlike only if you work upon it day after day. And like you, we wonder too where the years flew by. Thank you so much for liking the post, Alpana!

  5. A set of very interesting pointers indeed. Talking from experience, I feel it’s heartfelt and in all these 10 years you both have found the recipe to differ without falling apart.
    Simple but worth a try pointers. Btw my favourite is working together and that reaching out for the hand.
    Light and fresh stuff,Keep writing:)

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Praggatti for liking the post and glad it resonated with you. Yes, it’s all from experience and truly heart felt, we have our ups and downs, but we are happy together and in love with each other. Thank you again, dear!

  6. This is an honest practical post. I am married over a decade now and agree with you. Little efforts here and there, holding hands, working together strengthen marriage. Your Unromantic gestures sounded so-romantic to me.
    Pragnya Mishra recently posted…When Ms. Chalk met Mr. CheeseMy Profile

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Pragnya. Yes, it’s small gestures but made at the right moment and time help a lot in strengthening your relationship. 🙂

  7. Noor Anand Chawla

    I really resonate with your post- hand-holding, teasing, even fighting is a huge part of my relationship. My husband is a true hands-on father and I feel that has strengthened our marriage further.
    #VDayBlogTrain

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Noor. These qualities in your other half is what makes you stay in love with the person even though he may not be Shahrukh Khan type romantic, brings you flowers and takes you on dates. 🙂

  8. Ghunjain

    It’s really amazing unromantic ways of marriage to be strong and healthy…. Well written dear. These tips will sure help many❤️

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Ghun! I hope married couples understand that love is not in romance but in these small things.

  9. Ujjwal mishra

    So realistic and such important points to remember. Marriage should be a relationship of equals where working, leg pulling and even fighting should give space to both partners equally.loved your article.

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Ujjwal. Agree with you, a relationship of equals is where both partners share the work load, tease and fight and give space.

  10. That is a great round up..holding hands is really a passé in today’s generation..they indulge in a lot of pda which is many times unnecessary. You missed a point if I may say..that is never carry over a fight the next day. 🙂 . It works along with the above stated points.

    • mammaspeaks

      I agree, Snehal. Today’s idea of romance is first base and notching more bases thereon. Holding hands is such a soft way of saying you love and care. I agree never carry over a fight the next day – I think I have written – We never go to bed angry and resolve the matters the same day itself. 🙂 Thank you for liking and commenting on the post.

  11. beautiful, sensible and more than that realistic… even we are not of a PDA couple and will be celebrating 14yrs of hot and happy marriage this year. i resonate with your ways completely however wont call them unromantic <3 😀
    ujjwal mishra recently posted…It’s not a job that gets a lot of ComplimentsMy Profile

    • mammaspeaks

      14 years, wow! Be blessed dear in your marriage and may you see many more years of this unromantic bliss 😉

  12. This tips I’m sure gonna follow which u shared from Ur 12 years of relationship, I’ve just celebrated my 3rd year n wld love to try all this tips for my strong n healthy married life😀

    • mammaspeaks

      Jameela, thank you so much. Three years is a great start and I wish you many more years of togetherness. Stay together, stay blessed deaer.

  13. These are super powerful pointers and I strongly feel that holding hands can create magic between two people. It can melt u in a minute since it has the power of making u feel wanted n protective.loved ur writeup.

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you so much Vani. Yes, I agree with you. There is magic when you hold hands with your partner. You feel loved, protected and cared for – such powerful emotions in just one gesture. 🙂

  14. You have written 7 good points but they so romantic ones yaar..I loved your story.Yes marriage requires a lot of efforts to be with each other .

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Pallavi. Marriage requires a lot of efforts, no one says so when we are small that it’s hard work. lol.

  15. You said it….and yes did I read fight? No one admits but thats so important… To just be able vent out and be completely transparent… Loved this post

    • mammaspeaks

      Fight, ha ha! I know right, people don’t readily admit but everyone fights. The most important thing is to make up right after fighting in whichever way it works for you. Thank you Esha.

  16. Wonderful tips. I vouch on not sulking and not going to bed angry. We completed 11 th anniversary and we follow the same.

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Ramya. Somehow I can’t stand sulking and have never resorted to making faces and sulking. 11 years, that’s great, cheers to many more! 🙂

  17. Don’t ever go to bed angry is also my way of keeping a relationship healthy! loved this post

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Vidhya. Am glad the post resonated with you, dear!

  18. This is such a fresh take. I loved each of the 10 commandments Anshu. And this is true even for those couples who started off on a overtly romantic note. Great post as always

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you so much Mandavi. I agree with you even couples who start off on romantic note need these things to keep the marriage alive. 🙂

  19. That’s actually real romance. Me and my husband watch 90s movies and songs and reminisce our childhood days, cook each other’s favorite stuff, and just be there with each other silently; yes 17 years and still the love is the same. Wonderfully written blog.

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you so much. 17 years is a long time, Ritwika, cheers to you and your marriage! Watching 90s movies, well, that’s great, you mean khiladi, Dil, Aashiqui, Hum Hain Rahi Pyar Ke, Love, Phool and Kante, oh wow, that must be so much fun. 🙂

  20. Anshu, I felt like I was reading a post written by me! God, how can your thoughts resonate SO much with mine and how can your married life and ours have such stark similarities?
    I totally believe in sharing work, giving space, not taking fights to bed and most of all, seeking his hand out when I feel the need to. Romance is a good thing, but marriage requires lot more than heady confessions of love.
    Loved this post. I feel like we’re sisters from different mothers. 😉 😀

    • mammaspeaks

      Varsha, you can’t see my smile as I am reading your comment. It feels so nice to have a kindred spirit who feels the same. So true, marriage is much more than heady confessions of love as a person who has married for 10 years will know. Sisters from different mothers – wow, I loved that and I am so touched by your kind words. Love you XOXO

  21. Great pointers, Anshu. Very practical and effective. You mentioned about him teasing you often and you don’t get upset. Well, this is natural. Try the reverse & share what happens 😬

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Ravish. That’s a great point. Let me try that – teasing him and let me tell you how he reacted. lol 🙂

  22. If this is not romancing then what it is? I loved and agree with all the pointers mentioned by you and follow them too except for working (read cooking) together. Holding hands is something gives that instant boost whenever I’m low.

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Vartika. You are right, holding hands gives us that instant boost when we are low. Such is the power of a simple loving touch. While we cook, we fight too but we usually enjoy these fights. lol.

  23. I am really enjoyed your post…Actually it’s spoke about the real crisis of marriage. … fights are certainly an indispensable part of marriage… even we reciprocate the same…. those words you wrote… high pitched and all symbolises my bitter half… in all an enjoyable read😁😁

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you so much Sonali for not only reading and commenting on my post, but also for liking my thoughts. Fights are an integral part of marriage whether we like it or not, and sometimes they even spice up the married life. 🙂

  24. I was in splits when you explained how your mother reacted to your fights. Finally I have somebody who admits that they fight infront of their mother-in-law too. Till date I thought I am the only shameless wife *has tears of happiness* I have a tribe now.

    • mammaspeaks

      That’s so nice to hear, Anupriya. Seriously, I am so badnaam in my family for fighting with my hubby. It’s great to know there is someone like me. Yes, our tribe. 🙂

  25. You have pointed all the reasons to be in healthy relationship. The pointer that strikes with me is watching comedy shows together as we do the same as couple.

    Cheers
    MeenalSonal

    • mammaspeaks

      Oh that’s awesome – laughing together on silly jokes is the best way to diffuse any tense situation. It works even after bitter fights, have tried it. Thanks for reading and commenting, Meenal and Sonal.

  26. Trust me.. only romance all the time.. will make things boring.. there ought to be fights to make the relationship stronger 🙂

    • mammaspeaks

      So true, Kapila! All coochi-coo and no nok-jhok makes life dull and fights spice it up. LOL! 🙂

  27. Beautiful post and I find it romantic in ways that count – not all glossy, superficial stuff but real-life caring!
    maureencooper2015 recently posted…4 Ways My Kindness Suffers from Lack of AttentionMy Profile

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Maureen and am glad you liked my thoughts. I guess true caring stays with us all the way. 🙂

  28. I too believe in holding hands. Nothing can replace the reassurance of holding your partners hand 🙂
    Beautiful blog.

    • mammaspeaks

      Hai na, Priyam? I feel safe and loved when I hold my partner’s hand. Am so glad you feel the same.

  29. Wow something different i got to read. Enjoyed it because i too believe in all this. And fact behind our successful katti meethi marriage is same.

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Vijiyalakshmi for reading and commenting on my post. I am glad you feel the same way as I do about marriage. Cheers to our khatti-meethi marriage.

  30. Maneet Gulati

    You may call them unromantic ways, but it is my personal experience that all the ways that you have mentioned are the most romantic and realistic ones which actually have the ability to make any relationship sustainable. Very relatable and identifiable write up!

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Maneet, am so glad you liked them. And yes, I am not sure about romantic (personally I don’t feel that way 🙂 , see us fighting once, you will know 😉 ), but they are practical and realistic and keep the marriage strong and healthy. 🙂

  31. Fully agree with you, these all steps makes the relationship more stronger after marriage

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Priya. Am so glad you liked these steps, they indeed make a strong marriage.

  32. Lovely post Anshu. While some of your ideas bordered on being romantic, I loved your mature take on the prompt. Interesting read.

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Prerna. Am glad you felt that way. Yes, a matured way of being romantic 🙂

  33. Anagha Yatin

    Anshu, I propose this post be made into a dossier and presented to every newly married couple as well as those who are married for any number of years!
    Life always is simple. So is married life. But we seem to be forever in love with inviting trouble in the relationship that is so intimate and closet to heart. Simple are the ways to be happy in matrimony. Your post is the subtle yet strong advocate of it!

    • mammaspeaks

      Hello, Anagha. Thank you so much. You said it so wisely, life is simple, so is married life. It’s we who always invite trouble by keeping very high expectations. 🙂

  34. beautifully written and well-articulated yaa.. stayed glued till the last lines…so many things felt resonating with our marriage.

    • mammaspeaks

      Aww Misha, thank you so much for reading till the end and appreciating it. Am so glad you feel the same way about your marriage too. 🙂

  35. Yes, these things matter so much in a relationship. Anything that goes smooth is always skeptical. Ups and downs are equally important in every relationship ☺️❤️

    • mammaspeaks

      So true, Maya, ups and downs are very important in a relationship, even I would be skeptical about things always going straight. <3

  36. We also fight on top of our voices. And our parents have given up on us. But I feel this has made our love stronger. Could relate to so many of the points.

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Disha, my mother says before you fought with your siblings and now your husband. You are hopeless. Ha ha, I don’t know about that. But these fights are quite enjoyable. I am sure you enjoy them too. 🙂

  37. Ila Varma

    Precious pointers digged by you…excellent post…space is utmost essential in a relationship else it loses its magic. Agree with your pointers.

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Ila. You touched on a vital point – space in a relationship. I see many married men joking about their wife going to pihar and how they will enjoy wife-less state for a while. What they are actually saying is that they need space. Luckily, my husband never jokes about it or wants me to go to my parents’ house so that he could get some space. Because we provide plenty to each other. 🙂

  38. Wow, so we have lot in common, completed 12 years, hates pda, not the cocchie coooo lovey dovey types. I m not either into heart balloons or cushions & why do you find it unromantic no dear there are no rules to it. Holding hands, sipping tea together, surprising, spacing & fighting – the real spice of life all are the different flavours of romanticism. Loved every word of your post. Guess what reading & discussing a same book also is part of our unromantic errr romance with a twist tale. We enjoy books together yes. Thanks for sharing this & making us more aware of small gestures once again.

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Pragun, welcome to the non-pda married couples group. When I had lost hope that we are the dying species…!1 It feels really good to see and meet the tribe. Strong marriage don’t even need words, sitting together in comfortable silence is also enough. Books is a great way to connect – sharing ideas and being receptive to others’ is a great way to keep the relationship strong. 🙂

  39. my husband hates PDA. I don’t remember, if ever, he has posted on social media, or even put a picture of us together. love and marriage are beyond these things and that’s what matters most.
    Princy Khurana recently posted…11 Lessons I’ve Learned in 11 years of marriageMy Profile

    • mammaspeaks

      Thank you Princy. My husband is like yours, he never puts up a picture of us together and hates it when I do it. So I have stopped doing it too 🙂

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