Pregnancy Tips

7 Heartless Comments People Make To Women Who Have Had a Miscarriage

7 Heartless Comments People Make To Women Who Have Had a Miscarriage, miscarriage, child loss, baby loss

7 Heartless Comments People Make To Women Who Have Had a Miscarriage

Miscarriage is a traumatic experience for a woman. And, it can be made worse by some insensitive comments that well-meaning friends and family sometimes unintentionally make…

When I first learnt I was pregnant, my joy knew no bounds. I was going to be a mother. My husband was equally happy too. Though my OB/GYN had advised me not to tell anyone about the news till 3 months, I just could not wait announcing it to the whole world that I was carrying a woman. We called our respective families and friends and gave them the good news. Everyone was so happy for us.

Then in the 10th Week, I found out that my baby had no heart beat. My baby had stopped growing inside. 

The doctor suggested a D&C. I could not digest the truth. I cried for days and wondered “Why me?!” Of course, it was not only me, thousands of women go through a miscarriage.

I felt useless and helpless as a woman; I could do nothing to save my baby. It was the worst period of my life. But, what made it more unbearable were some heartless comments people made when they learnt of the miscarriage!

1. At least you know you can get pregnant

What sort of a comment is that? Every woman who has a regular menstrual cycle assumes she can get pregnant. There is no doubt in her mind. Then, how does this knowledge that I gained at the cost of my baby help me?

2. At least you miscarried early in the pregnancy

Early or late, a miscarriage is very traumatic for a woman. She has lost her child, how does it matter whether it was early or late. I was attached to my baby in those few weeks of pregnancy, and to lose to my child like this was very painful.

3. It’s better to miscarry than have a baby with problems

For a mother, her baby is the most precious. I would have loved my baby equally had she been born with some development challenges. This remark always made me feel small, as if I had loved my baby any less if she would have had ‘problems’.

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  1. Been there.. faced that… I COMPLETELY agree…N my mil told me..” IT was just a cell, IT dint even have a heart beat!! So forget it!!!!”?meanest thing I heard..

    • Oh, so hurtful. When I had a miscarriage, there were people telling me – it’s OK. no big thing. lots of women have miscarriages. I was so furious. It was a statistics I was really not interested in learning about. 🙁

  2. I confided in a neighbor that we had a miscarriage at 9 weeks after our fourth round of IVF, and she said “well that’s a good thing, because you know it can work!” I was absolutely floored…and put her in her place. But my mother was actually the worst one, didn’t even bother picking up the phone or coming by in the weeks after having my miscarriage at home. When I told her how upset I was she actually had the nerve to turn it around on me and tell me I can’t accept her for who she is. Yes she’s right there as I can’t except someone who is completely heartless when her daughter has her baby die inside her.

    One in eight couples battle infertility, so it’s also important to remember that many of us cannot get pregnant easily.

    • Oh…I wonder why people are so heartless, and that too when there’s a new life concerned. Sometimes I feel that only a mother who has undergone this pain can understand and feel other mother’s pain. I am really sorry it happened to you! Hugs!!

  3. Yeah that’s really bad, I don’t know, why people say, you can try again, its ok, leave it, forget about it. I mean how can one forget it. Even if you are 90 and you have 5 kids, you still have that feeling that you lost your first baby, there was something growing inside you, which was yours, a tiny being.
    I went through D&C , and the first thing I asked them after I woke up was, ” has my baby gone” and cried heavily. I cry every time I think of that. That embryo coming out is not just an embryo it was my baby.

    • mammaspeaks

      Well said! It’s your baby – how can you forget that. My daughter is 7 years old. I lost my first child 8 years ago, and my eyes still well up when I think of the baby that I never had. I was in such a terrible state of mind post miscarriage, that it took me more than a year, I mean, only once my daughter arrived that I started getting normal. On the other hand, I do realise that if I had my first baby, I wouldn’t have had my daughter.

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