Being a stay at home mom has its perks. We can be there for our kids more, take our own time to finish chores and spend quality time with our partner on a daily basis. However, a stay at home mom’s life is not as hunky dory as it is made out to be. We might sip our mid-morning cup of coffee in peace, but look beyond the pretty picture and you will see the loneliness and the struggles of a stay at home mom. There are various things we do as a stay at home mom that we know we ought not to. I have prepared a list of top 5 things not to do as a stay at home mom.
Be a recluse
You love being at home for only family and domestic help for the company. It makes you hesitant to go out there and meet people. What you will talk to them that you can’t easily do on the phone? You love the comfort and security of your home and don’t see the value in stepping out. Do you identify yourself with this one?
I would try to finish all my groceries and odd jobs on days when I stepped out to go to the gym or take my daughter to classes, so that I didn’t have to step out on the non-class or gym days. Because I was too lazy and wary of meeting new people and talking to them about mostly inane things. This is not healthy, is it? I mean loving your own company is fine, but not when you actually start avoiding people!
- Make it a point to step out.
- Enroll yourself to a nearby gym or a library or go out for walks in the neighbourhood.
- Sign up for meetups. Find a meet up that best suits your interests (there are meet ups for movie lovers, and even coffee lovers, can you imagine? Nothing beats that!) and meet like-minded people.
- Just step out and try to talk to at least 2 new people every day whether in the gym, child’s school or neighbourhood. The world is full of interesting people, you will surely come across a few of them who can enrich your life.
Not update yourself
Guilty as charged. As I entered into 2019, I realised it has been more than 8 years since I left my corporate job, and since then, though I have been consistently blogging, I have not updated myself. All these years, I should have taken the opportunity to learn something and add value to my resume. You never know when the urge to join back strikes, you should be ready for it if or whenever it ever does. Even if you don’t join the work force, it’s good to learn and grow personally.
Suggestion: There are many online learning platforms like Udemy, Coursera – find a course of your interest and enroll. Join a course at an online university like IGNOU or other university if time permits. Or learn a new language like French, Mandarin, German, Spanish, etc. There is no age for learning, that’s what I learnt when I came across a 75-year old couple that was pursuing MA in Arabic Studies at Mumbai University last year.
Did you just smile? I am sure you are sitting in your favourite worn out pair of pyjamas and an old-with-hole t-shirt as you are reading this. Or worse still, you haven’t taken a bath or combed your hair. When you don’t step out and when no one enters your home – what excuse do you have to dress up.
I did this for many years. But then I realised that all the fancy clothes that I purchased hardly ever saw the light of the day. Also, as a full-time blogger, I feel more motivated to work if I am dressed up to the nines. So, now I have started wearing fresh and nice clothes and am always outdoor-ready.
Suggestion: Taking a shower and wearing fresh clothes will motivate you like nothing else and to take on a new day with enthusiasm. Take a step further and put on a bright lipstick and see how you feel about your work day.
Lack of purpose
Once you have packed off your children to school and sent your partner to work, you have the whole day to look after chores. Whether you tend to them in the morning or afternoon, it doesn’t matter. Without a routine, you lose the purpose. Without a purpose, you waste time.
You waste hours scrolling up and down your social media feeds. It happens to most of us.
Connecting with online friends is good, but pouring over Facebook wall and Instagram feed for hours is hardly a constructive job.
- Find a purpose to your life. Think deep and ask yourself some serious questions as to where your life is going. If you feel up to it, put together a blog where you can jot down your thoughts and ideas or maintain a journal. It will help you get things in perspective.
- Enroll in courses which can help you grow or develop hobbies. Volunteer to teach at a local school/orphanage.
- Take up a cause you feel strongly about.
- Whatever you do, stick to a routine or fixed schedule.
Let guilt get you down
This one is a big culprit for stay at home mom blues. You left a rewarding job to be a full-time mother. You let go of your monthly salary to be the perfect mother and homemaker. But years down, you realise you are neither. You can neither cook fabulous picture-perfect dishes nor stay without yelling at your kids, the kids for which you took the break from work. It can seriously get you down.
Suggestion: Take a deep breath and remember the real reason for which you took this giant step. It was not to do laundry or keep the house lick-the-floor clean. It was so that you could be there for your children and spouse more.
Hope these 5 things not to do as a stay at home mom serves as a survival guide to you and you benefit from it. Write to me and tell me how it’s going for you being a stay at home mom?