A few days ago, my daughter came home, quite upset. When I asked her the reason, she told me with her eyes shining with unshed tears, “X didn’t invite me to her birthday party. They are going to Kidzania!” And those tears finally came rushing down her cheeks.
I asked calmly, “So what?”
“But, I had invited her to mine!” She cried.
I told her, “Yes, because you wanted to invite her. It doesn’t mean she would have to invite you as well!”
A genuine pearl of wisdom, I must admit. However, it was easier said than understood. Well, I couldn’t possibly make my 6-year-old understand that people work in mysterious ways. You can’t expect people to act as you want them to.
As I said easier said than understood. Not only by my little girl, but also by me.
I have had my heart broken quite a few number of times when I wrongly assumed people would reciprocate my feelings in exactly the same way I feel for them or go out of my way for them. It bothered me to see that they were happy in the ignorance that their behaviour actually affected me. Don’t think I have not reprimanded myself for being an idiot time and again. But, it’s like my previous numerous experiences from my teens and 20s have failed to teach me anything.
I started bothering me a lot. Very soon, I will enter 40s, and I realized that I can’t carry on like this anymore. I needed to change myself, and fast. So, I started introspecting. And, even started practising meditation.
So, this year, I want to do these few things:
Stop complaining. This is the first and the most important step. Stop complaining about how people are. They were that way and they would always be. They are just being themselves, so stop making them out to be monsters.
Accept people as they are. Whether it is my mother in law, sister in law, friend or even my husband, they all are different people. And it’s up to me to accept that they are different in the way they are made up, they think and act.
Wish happiness. As a small child, I was very possessive of my friends. My friend is mine alone. Well, as you grow up, you realize you cannot possess people; not even your child, let alone your friend. But, yes, you can wish them happiness wherever they are and with whomsoever they are with.
Accept myself. It’s no use accepting people, if you don’t accept yourself first. I have come to accept myself the way I am. I realized that my whole approach towards looking at things was incorrect. I cannot force people to be like me. I am different, and so is everybody. And the best way to live a happy life is to accept that difference. People are different, and they should be. But, that shouldn’t stop you from being you.
Don’t change. Just because someone is not nice to you, shouldn’t make you lose your niceness. You are a good person, and let not the society touch you.
Stay away from people who don’t care. Accepting people the way they are is fine, but that doesn’t mean they can treat you anyway they want to. There is a fine line between being nice and losing self-respect. Stay away from people who genuinely do not care for you.
I am a great believer of the life values of Bhagavad Gita. And Gita says, “Perform your actions. Don’t worry about the outcome”. It’s difficult, but not impossible.
Every new day is for new learnings. I have a whole new year to learn. I just hope I learn my lesson well.
So, let’s cheer 2018 to acceptance and a happier, wiser life!