We are forever talking about the pains of parenting. How having a child changes our life, reduces us to a zombie and other such horror stories. Sometimes, we need to look at the funny side too. Yes, parenting has its lighter moments, though they are far and few between.
As a few of them have happened with me, I am sure they can happen with you too. So just be prepared. Here are 11 funny things that every parent can expect:
I licked snot
It was not intentional. Believe me. My little girl was suffering from a bad cold and I had given her a little honey to lick. As she was licking the honey from her bowl, I got busy with other work. A couple of minutes later, she came to me and showed her index finger to me. It was wet. Thinking she wanted to lick honey off her finger, I put the finger in my mouth and licked it. But the next second, I realized that something was not right. The honey was tasting a little funny and not at all sweet. And then the realization hit me about what that shiny wet thing could be. I brushed twice and flossed but I still felt disgusted the whole day.
Playing with the potty
I am sure there isn’t a single mother who isn’t bathed in her newborn’s urine. However much you take care, you are sure to be peed upon. But peeing is ok, it doesn’t hurt. Doesn’t smell either. But imagine poop? Oh yes, for an infant his potty is as good as a toy or something to explore. So if he poops in his diaper-free time without your knowledge, be prepared for the sight.
Kicked by your baby
Infants are small and oh, so delicate. Their tiny toes and fingers are a constant joy to you. But don’t get fooled by their apparent delicateness. Their tiny bones are as strong as they come. Any parent co-sleeping with her infant will vouch for that. I have been awakened in the night by many firm kicks and punches in the night. And boy, do they hurt?
Restless baby makes changing a nightmare
I have always associated changing my baby’s clothes with nightmare. I know it’s a strong word, but I know what I am talking about. My husband and I are forever arguing on who will take up this chore, and needless to say none of us readily volunteers for it. The baby is never still; while I make her wear one side of the pant, the other one is already out so I have to start from square one. Then she wriggles and moves stretching a five-minute job into thirty.
Baby vomiting on you
I have forgotten what my body smells like. I have a strong suspicion that my body has stopped producing any odour. I always smell of my baby; her oil, cream, poop and vomit. Most newborns throw out curdled milk/formula after taking a feed. And it’s smelly. Ughhh!!!
I want to go potty
Ha ha, the classic. Remember, however much you try, there is no running away from it. The potty call can trouble you in the most vulnerable situations; when your movie is just about to end, the mystery killer is going to be revealed in the book you are reading or you are in the middle of a party. You have to drop everything at that moment and run, with your kiddo in tow!
When they talk
Once your child learns to talk, you will realize you might walking through landmines. It’s been a few days when my daughter returned from the playgroup with her nanny. They rang the bell but as I was on an important call I failed to hear the door bell. Finally, when I heard it, I put the phone down and opened the door for them. The first thing the little chirpy bird asks me, “Mama, you doing number 1 or 2?” Her voice was loud enough to carry through all the floors of my building. I didn’t know at that moment whether to laugh or shout at her.
Rolling on the floor
The whole world is their playground, they don’t see where and how. My daughter loves to lie down on the floor and keep on rolling. Are you laughing? Believe me, it’s not amusing when she does that when we are out.
When she couldn’t stand on her own, she wanted to run. And now, when she can do that, she doesn’t want to walk even. She wants to be carried around everywhere. If she is tired, I can understand but the little manipulative thing wants to be carried around all the time. And if I don’t comply, she sits down. Yes, you read it right. She sits down not minding whether it’s a busy street, muddy playground or dirty staircase.
Give me or else I will snatch
I am going through this phase now, so I know what I am talking. Everything my toddler sees is hers by default. If she sees me wearing a lipstick, she wants it too. Now I can’t even remember the last time I was wearing one. It would still have been good if it were limited to me. But you see kids always have to take it one or two steps further. So when we go out and if she sees another child playing with a toy, she wants that too. And then without asking them snatches it. I ask her, “Give it back.” She refuses and says, “No, it’s mine.” What I feel like doing then when the mother of the child is glaring at me (obviously upset and doubting my parenting skills) is to crawl under whatever piece of furniture I can find. But of course no such luck. So all I do is apologize, hand the toy back and leave with a now-crying toddler. And if you think I am making this up, wait for your child to grow into a toddler and then you can picture me saying ‘I told you so…’.
I love my fingers
And also love the places they go. You might have taught your toddler to not to put his finger in the nose or in his mouth, but he will go ahead and just do that. Especially when you are not alone. They are little attention-seekers and doing this sure gets them some. Correction. Not some but loads of it.
Well, these incidents might not be fun for you at that moment but they are something you can reminisce later and have a good laugh. At your expense, of course.