You must think I am a fool to write about sex after childbirth. Come on, it’s sex! How difficult can it be? How else did we have a child in the first place? The stork didn’t gift the child to us; we had sex to deliver a child.
I know, I know. But believe me after the childbirth sex is not the same anymore. Baby book would suggest you can have sex after 1.5 months and all that crap. But is it that easy? The childbirth wreaks havoc on your vayjayjay. The swelling and the stitches make it look worse. The hormones play dirty tricks on you. You are fat, you feel ugly and a species from another planet. Your baby sucks at you the entire time and when she is not latched on to you, she is either peeing or pooping. And when the little angel from Hell (well, there are times when you definitely feel so) is at last sleeping, you have hundred and one chores to complete. So at the end of the day, you have neither the drive nor the energy to dress up, let alone think of sex. You are totally put off by the mere mention of the word. You get panic attacks. It’s as if you have been asked to murder the Pope.
Your partner may find a little difficult to understand. When his partner (that’s you) all of a sudden starts screaming bloody murder even if he so much as lays a finger on you, just imagine what the poor soul must suffer through. It’s not easy for you. But again, it’s not easy for him either.
Here are a few tips that might help you and him re-discover your natural appetite for sex.
Go easy. That’s the first mantra. One of my friends was indulging in normal intercourse just after 15 days of childbirth. Well, that was her. You don’t have to prove anything to anybody. So if you feel your body is not upto it, make your partner understand. Tell him you need time. You gave birth to a baby, if at all your man should respect you and your body for that. If you have had an episiotomy, I will strongly recommend you to stay away from it for at least a couple of months till the area has completely healed. Better ask your doc before rushing into something.
Your body is not the same anymore. You have hideous stretch marks on your butt and belly, your breasts are huge and sagging and your tummy looks as if you are already carrying another baby. That’s the truth. It happens with all women. But don’t berate yourself. Pregnancy weight doesn’t disappear overnight. Plus, if you are feeding, you need proper nutrition. So don’t lose confidence. You are beautiful to your partner, no matter what.
Don’t dive into intercourse straight on. Sex doesn’t have to be only about intercourse. Start with sweet somethings; a stolen kiss, necking like teenagers, a pat here and a cuddle there to re-ignite your buried passions. This will build confidence for you to take the next step.
Arrange for little date nights. It will be wonderful for your love life if both of you can go out alone for a few hours once a week. If you can arrange for somebody to look after your newborn, I’d suggest go for a quiet dinner or a movie and see if the magic works.
Exercise is the key. Go for walks, yoga or light exercises once your doctor okays it. You will feel fitter and healthier. It also helps in relaxing you and making your sex life better.
Arm yourself. Arrange for some porn, light scented candles and wear a sexy negligee. You may not believe it but porn, sex games or role plays can come in very handy in those initial days when you are trying to get back your lost libido.
Lubricant is thy name. Get hold of some lubricants. Your body might decide to play games on you (some women may experience acute dryness or have trouble generating natural lubrication). So better be prepared than sorry. K-Y jelly is medicated while Durex pleasure gel lubes come in numerous flavours and aromas. They are totally safe (and edible too). So put loads of it. Also, don’t forget some condoms even if you are breastfeeding. You don’t want one night of passion to turn into something else, do you?
Still wary of it? Give yourself some more time. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just in your mind. Let yourself go and enjoy the moment. If your pussy can let a baby pass through it, there’s no reason for it to fear a dick. The fun is in the trials and errors. When you really want it, it will happen. Just like that without any warning. No sexy negligees, no candles and no porn. Just plain old rustic sex.
One more tip for my kindred spirits: Try initially with you on the top. This way you can control the force and vigour.
Now baby, relax and enjoy!!! Sex after childbirth is just a little difficult, not impossible. 🙂